Recipe: Sweet and Spicy Scrambled Eggs

I love how versatile eggs are, and how many kinds of vegetables there are. The possibilities seem endless. I sauteed 1/2 cup chopped onion and 1/3 cup chopped mushroom in about 1/2 tablespoon of olive oil, then added 1/3 of a yellow bell pepper (chopped up) for the last minute or so. This was all seasoned with sea salt, fresh pepper, oregano, and ground red pepper. Then I cooked up 3 eggs (this was a post-workout meal), seasoned with salt and pepper and added the vegetables in. I topped with 2 tablespoons of red salsa and 1 tablespoon of sour cream. I really wish we had green salsa, because I think that would have made this perfect. I loved the blend of the sweet bell pepper and the spicy salsa and ground red pepper.

Day 48: Starting C25K for Speed

This morning I woke up, put on my workout clothes, grabbed an apple to eat in the car, and was out the door before I could think about crawling back into bed. I went to the rec center and started my new C25K program to work on my speed. Instead of jogging and walking, and running and jogging with a bit of walking. That took 30 minutes, but I'm not sure what distance I actually went since I couldn't find how many laps are in a mile. I went 12 laps during the interval section and I would guess that was about 2 miles, so 10-minute miles. (*Update: I finally found the information, and the laps are 1/6th of a mile. I must really be turning into a runner if I can tell what a mile feels like.) Then I went to a 50 minute zumba class. It totally kicked my trash, I hated being the biggest person there, but it was fun and I'll be going back again.

C25K Week 1 Day 1
5 minute brisk walk warm up

Do four times:
60 second run
90 second jog
60 second run
90 second walk

5 minute cool-down walk

For lunch I had a burrito with black beans, sliced grape tomatoes, avocado, salsa, and sour cream. For dinner we had cuzcuz (not Mediterranean couscous, but something like steamed polenta that they make in northeastern Brazil). Anyway, it had sausage and mozzarella in it, and we had it with green salsa. And I stayed away from sugar all day!

We spent pretty much the whole day cleaning and organizing the house, except for a break to get groceries at Costco. So I was too busy to eat poorly! All in all, I'd say it was a good day.

Day 47: Reboot

Okay, it's a new month, Halloween is over, I've sworn off candy until Christmas, as well as sugary beverages and fast food. And I have some friends who are joining me in the no-sugar challenge, so we can help motivate each other! We signed up for a 3-month family pass at the rec center, and I am going to start attending workout classes there next week. And my goal is to cook dinner every night this month so I can get back to eating healthily. I just need to figure out how to convince hubby and the kids to eat healthily with me!

This morning I made breakfast burritos; I had a whole wheat tortilla with two scrambled eggs, a couple slices of avocado, a bit of sour cream, and some green salsa. For lunch I had stir fry with spicy tuna patties. I had an apple for a snack. For dinner I made a guacamole quesadilla (without cheese) and a spicy bean taco.

I was really proud of myself for making good choices today. 1) I didn't go to Costco, because I knew the gelato would be very, very tempting. 2) I turned down the candy the baby offered me because she is cute and nice. 3) I got clearance Halloween candy (some for hubby, some to bribe the kids) and purposefully didn't get my favorite kinds. 4) I took a vitamin. 5) I started a new 30 day challenge, but picked an easier one that I know I can commit to (20 crunches today). 6) When the kids were stressing me out, I did not break my sugar fast! (to be honest, I probably would have eaten a lot of candy if I hadn't made a public commitment to stay away from it!)

Recipe: Guacadilla and Spicy Bean Taco

I love me some Mexican food! Of course, I normally have my Mexican food smothered with cheese. So I need to find a new way to enjoy it. So I made a guacadilla (quesadilla with guacamole instead of queso) and a spicy bean taco. I served with red salsa, sour cream, and green salsa. I need chunkier salsa. And sour cream that wasn't frozen at one point (it just never goes back to the same consistency). And next time, I'll put them in order of the Mexican flag. Because that would be artsy. Also, I was sooo close to making this vegan and skipping the sour cream. But I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Still, it would be very easy to veganize this recipe :)

Guacadilla
-whole wheat tortilla
-avocado
-lime
-garlic salt
-grape tomatoes

I mashed up 1/4 of an avocado and mixed some garlic salt and lime in. I spread that on a whole wheat tortilla and added sliced grape tomato. Fold it in half and crisp it up on a pan with some cooking spray.

Spicy Bean Taco
-corn tortilla
-black beans
-cumin
-garlic salt

I toasted a corn tortilla on a pan with some cooking spray, then folded it in half and took it off the heat. Then I heated up 1/2 cup of black beans, and mashed them with cumin and garlic salt. I put the beans in the tortilla.

Here is a picture of the first time I made a guacadilla (earlier this week -- I was trying to be healthy). I didn't toast it, but I would definitely recommend toasting now that I've had it both ways. Also, my sour cream was thicker then. But I like the way you can see the guacamole and tomato in this picture.

Recipe: Stir Fry and Spicy Tuna Patties

I sure do love a good stir fry. I put two cups of frozen stir fry veggies and one cup of frozen broccoli into a pan with 1/4 cup water, 1 tablespoon soy sauce, 1/2 tablespoon ground ginger, and 1 teaspoon granulated garlic. I cooked it until the water was pretty much evaporated. To make the patties, I drained a can of chunk light tuna in water, added 1 tablespoon of sour cream, a dash of tabasco sauce, and about 1 tablespoon dried chopped onion (as a binder). I gently shaped the mixture into four round patties and browned the outsides on a pan with cooking spray. They probably would have held together better if I had actually used oil to fry them, but I'm trying to be healthy here :)

Day 45: Feeling Down

I'm feeling down again. I do so well for a few days, then I'm terrible and gain everything back. My pants are starting to feel tight again, and I feel like I've wasted the last 45 days. I need another jumpstart. So starting today, I am not going to have any fast food or takeout or deli, or anything else that wasn't made at home. I'm also giving up all drinks with calories, except for 1 cup of milk per day (which I probably won't even drink since I rarely do). And starting in November (come on, I have to live a little bit) I'm not going to have any candy until Christmas. And I kind of want to do paleo or south beach, or something to help get me back to eating healthy food. All I know is, things aren't working and I need to change things up to help re-motivate me.

Day 43: Lucky Number 7 (weigh in)

Well, I'm starting out week 7. That's supposed to be a lucky number right? I really hope this turns out to be a good week. I was disappointed (but not surprised) when I weighed in at 182.2 this morning. I am pretty frustrated that in 7 weeks, I've only managed to lose 4 pounds. And by that, I mean I lost 4 pounds in the first week, and I now weigh as much as I did at the start of Week 2. I really need to be more committed to this. I do well for a week, then I do horribly the next week. And It's not even a downward trend, it's just yoyo-ing up and down and ending in the exact same spot.

So even though I was tired and sore and my shins and thighs were crying out for the warm embrace of my memory foam bed, I awkwardly pulled on my exercise gear and did my best not to waddle as I made my way to the aerobics class. I had to modify some of the moves, and I didn't dare try any floor exercises. I could just imagine trying to get up from doing crunches and looking like a turtle stuck on its back. So I may not have gotten in the best workout this morning, but I got up and I went. And I am working toward building a real habit of regular exercise. And I'm really considering getting a pass to the rec center so I can be motivated to stay active all winter long (if I pay for it, I will feel obligated to use it).

I started today off well. I had yogurt for breakfast and stuffed mushrooms for lunch. I got caught up doing lots of things around the house and forgot to log the rest of my food, but I think I managed to do okay.

Recipe: Mushrooms Stuffed With Spinach Cream Cheese

Okay, I found a real winner here (as long as you like mushrooms, as I do). I removed the stems from baby portabella mushrooms. Then I microwaved them for 1 minute. In the meantime, I got 3 tablespoons of Greek cream cheese and 1/4 cup of frozen spinach in a small bowl. I pulled out the mushrooms and microwaved the cream cheese and spinach for 20 seconds. I used a paper towel to absorb the moisture from the mushrooms. Then I added 1 teaspoon of grated parmesan and 1/2 teaspoon of granulated garlic to the cream cheese and stirred it all up. I scooped the cream cheese mixture into the mushroom caps, then sprinkled the tops with ground red pepper. (The mixture would have been perfect for 10 good sized mushrooms. I only had 9 left, and a few of them were pretty small, so I ended up really heaping the cream cheese on top. It was delicious, but it could have gone a bit further and been more filling with more mushrooms.)

Day 42: Last Cheat Day

Okay, I really need to get back to healthy eating. I had leftover animal-style fries from In-n-Out in the morning (breakfast of champions, huh?), then two giant helpings of chicken and white bean chili with brown rice for late lunch. I had another giant helping for dinner. It tasted so good, but now I feel overly full and rather ill. Oh, also had homemade ice cream for dessert and a few snacks throughout the day. I'll ease back into exercising this week (I'm still so sore and stiff from yesterday) and I will count my calories every day this week!

Day 41: I'm a Half-Marathoner!

I am exhausted, but had to post my big accomplishment! I finished my first half-marathon in 3 hours and 6 minutes (I'll get the official time in a few days). I had to walk more of it than I hoped, but I was sick the last three weeks and wasn't able to train, so I'm just happy I finished! I feel both incredibly proud and greatly humbled. I mean, I just ran a half-marathon!  But I got passed by a lot of people way older than me. At least I have a good chance of improving my time on my next one!

Pre-race: My costume was a vampire

Post-race: Once I stopped jogging, my legs stiffened up and I could hardly walk. But I finished!

Got home after our post-race lunch at Tucanos and collapsed on the bed with my race swag. Then I took a nap.

Day 40: Carbs

Today, all I was craving was carbs. It always happens when I'm PMSing. I had toast and noodles and cereal and french fries. I didn't even count it. But if I had, I would probably be crying over my daily calorie intake. I'm supposed to eat healthy and run so I can lose weight. Not eat so much that I have to run just to maintain my weight. Not yet at least. I still need to lose 50 pounds. *sigh* Well, I guess the least I can do now is get a full night's rest before tomorrow's race!

Day 39: Good-ish

I've been tired lately and cranking out hat orders around the clock. I started the day off really well with a veggie omelet. But then I stopped keeping track of what I was eating. I think I was good. Ish. I tried to make good choices, but a lot of times when I don't log food, I forget how much I've already eaten. I'm just kind of sad thinking that I probably won't weigh less on Monday, even though I'll be running 13 miles this Saturday. I really need to get back on track with calorie counting.

Day 38: Diet Fail

Well, today was definitely not the healthy diet day it was supposed to be. I took the girls to McDonald's and had a chocolate chip frappe. I really need to stop getting those. Then I ate their leftover chicken nuggets because I didn't want to just throw them away. I should have known they wouldn't eat very much. By that point I was already getting close to my calorie limit, and I just stopped counting. Oops. Today was a pretty big diet fail. I'll try not to let this one day get to me, but I'm worried that if I don't eat healthy food over the next few days I'll have a hard time during my race on Saturday!

Day 37: I'm a Social Eater

I try not to weigh myself every day, so I don't become too focused on the numbers. But I weighed myself today anyway. And I was just under 180! I guess I was really bloaty, water-weighty from eating so poorly last week. Anyway, it was a nice little confidence boost, and it's always easier to stay motivated when I'm seeing results.

I had a stir fry omelet for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, and baked beans as a snack (I ran a lot of errands today so I didn't have much time to eat). Then we had dinner with friends and had chili dogs. I tried to make smart choices, and chose not to use a hot dog bun and to pass on the fruit juice. But when I got home and added the calories (I had to estimate how much chili and sour cream and fritos I ate), I ended up way over. I'm really hoping I overestimated the amounts I ate. But I'm definitely a social eater, and I eat way more when we're with friends. I guess I just have to be extra good tomorrow -- another day heavy on fruits and vegetables.

Recipe: Stir Fry Omelet

This was ridiculously delicious! I cooked 1 cup of frozen stir fry veggies (from that giant Costco bag) with some soy sauce and ground ginger (I didn't measure, sorry). Then I beat my eggs with white pepper and garlic salt. Cooked up the eggs, added the veggies, and voila! a whole new take on eggs for breakfast. Changes I would make next time: more ginger in the veggies, and more garlic (but not salt) in the eggs.

Day 36: Starting Again (weigh in)

Today I weighed in at 182.4 lbs :(

I hate knowing I've been going in the wrong direction. I guess being sick isn't a good enough excuse to chow down on soup and juice like there's no tomorrow. I'm mostly frustrated that I seem to always gain weight when I don't count calories. Do I really have to count calories for the rest of my life? The idea overwhelms me.

Well, I decided that I should eat lots and lots of fruits and vegetables today, to try to flush all the junk out of my system. I still have a lot of orders to keep up with, so I won't be making anything terribly fancy. But I can still put in a bit more effort to make healthy choices. So for breakfast I had grape tomatoes and an apple. Kind of a weird breakfast, but they were quick and easy. For lunch I had grilled baby portabella mushrooms -- half were stuffed with a parmesan-garlic-sour cream, and the other half with Greek cream cheese and green salsa. Delicious! I also sliced up a red bell pepper and grilled that too. And of course, by grill, I mean George Foreman, because I can do that in my jammies. I had half a cup of baked beans for an afternoon snack because I have an open can in the fridge and need to eat it. And because I love baked beans. For dinner, I had broccoli with ham and cheddar. It was really good, but I was still a bit hungry, so when my daughter asked for eggs, I cooked the yolks for her and cooked the egg whites for me. I seasoned the eggs with sea salt, fresh pepper, and rosemary, and had a bit of salsa with it. I had some diet ginger ale, and then had a cup of candy cane cocoa in the evening.

Recipe: Ham and Cheese Broccoli

I really like broccoli. I love ham and cheese. So I put them all together for a delicious, low-carb dinner. I grilled the about a cup of broccoli and 2oz of ham (which I cut up afterwards) and then topped with 1oz of cheddar. Next time I will use more broccoli, because there was plenty of ham and cheese (never too much, but enough that I could make it more filling by having more broccoli).

Recipe: Stuffed Mushrooms

Hubby hates mushrooms, but I love them! So any time I'm only cooking for myself, it's a good opportunity to make something yummy that he just wouldn't appreciate. I even splurged when I was at Costco and got the baby portabella mushrooms instead of the normal white button cap ones. I removed the stems and grilled the tops. I made a cream filling using 1 tablespoon of sour cream, 1/2 tablespoon parmesan, and a sprinkle of garlic salt. I used that to fill half the mushrooms. The other mushrooms were stuffed with Greek cream cheese and a bit of green salsa. I cut up a red bell pepper and grilled that to go with the mushrooms too.

Here is my less healthy version from last week. I melted the mozzarella on the George Foreman, and then used it to stuff the mushrooms. It wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't stuffed them to overflowing (but that's what made them extra delicious). I will have to try this again, but only use a measured amount of cheese so I don't have to feel so guilty. I also put the grape tomatoes on the grill until they were warm.

Days 30-35: Can't Get Over This Cold

I don't remember the last time I had a cold last this long (and hubby has had it even worse than me). I didn't count calories and I didn't exercise all week. Honestly, I think it's okay to skip the exercising when I'm feeling so sick, but I'm afraid I gained weight because I ate a lot. I've also been making hats around the clock, which has made it harder for me to make healthy food. And by that, I mean I haven't really cooked all week. And everybody knows that quick food is not as good for you. I've had way more bread and cereal and ramen noodles and cheese than I should. Probably more than I should have in a month... I'm scared to weigh in tomorrow, but I can't take back this week. All I can do is recommit myself to getting healthy. Because that's what it's about. Not the number, not my pants size, but my health. And that is something worth fighting for!

Day 29: (weigh in)

Well, I was pleasantly surprised with my weigh-in this morning: 180.2! Considering all the food we had over the weekend, and the snacks we ate while traveling, I honestly expected it to be higher. And I'm hoping all of that is water weight and that by next week I'll have lost some actual weight. Although I don't know if I'm going to get any cardio in this week (which makes me real scared for my race in 12 days...)

But I woke up with a sore throat, a runny nose, a gross-sounding cough, and a stomach ache. So I think the worst thing I could do is try to push through it and not be able to fully recover in time for my race.

Days 25-28: Trip to Michigan

Well, we left about 11am on Thursday morning, took a couple airplanes and finally made it to Michigan about 10:30pm (8:30 our time), had some trouble getting our rental car, and finally got in to our hotel at 12:30. Friday morning we surprised hubby's grandpa for his 80th birthday. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. We spent all Friday and Saturday with hubby's family (his parents, siblings, grandpa, aunts, cousins). Sunday morning we headed back to the airport, took a couple more planes, landed at our home base, got to the house, realized we lost my daughter's backpack, drove back to the airport, got the backpack, drove back home, and put the kids in bed at 8pm.

It was a wonderful weekend, but we ate like dairy farmers (which is what grandpa was for a good part of his life). That means lots and lots of food. Let me put it you this way: as you are eating a gigantic meal, they are already talking about what's for the next meal. The first time I visited Michigan was the week before my wedding. When we got back, my dress didn't fit. The last time we visited Michigan, I couldn't wear my jeans back on the plane because they felt too uncomfortable. I tried to be good, but it was just really hard.

Also, I was sick the whole time. On Thursday, I had no voice. Well, not true. I had a very low voice, and every time I got excited or tried to sing, my voice just cut out. On Friday and Saturday, I had some voice back, but for the most part sounded pretty sick. I finally started coughing last night, and spent most of today rather miserable with a headache, sneezing, and coughing. I didn't keep up with my 30 day challenges, but I'll start back up tomorrow and it will just have to bleed a couple of days into November.

Oh, and I finished 4 1/2 of my 6 hat orders I had before leaving and got 4 more orders while we were gone. And I'm making 3 hats as gifts that need to get sent out, I need to finish a scarf and make cards for a service auction I'm attending on Thursday, and I need to work up a sample for a potential custom order. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to do this and get paid, but this is just the worst week I could get sick and I don't seem to have any signs of getting better. Well, I guess I'll call it an early night because I have a long week ahead of me.

Day 24: Feeling Sick

Well, today wasn't the greatest. I've been feeling really sick lately, and tired and stressed out. So I didn't keep track of what I ate. I know I ate too much, but I honestly have no idea by how much.

But at least I did day 9 of my challenges: 35 triceps dips, 45 sit ups, 30 crunches, 30 leg raises, and a 38-second plank. It is getting really hard. I mean, it's been hard the whole time, but now I really feel like I'm pushing my body's current limits, and it's hard to keep going. But I only have to worry about one day at a time, and I did my challenges today.

We're leaving for Michigan tomorrow, and I'm a little worried because every time we visit family there, they feed us too well, and I gain weight. So hopefully I can stay in control of my portions and try to calorie count everything.

Day 23: Bell Pepper Instead of Grilled Cheese

Today seemed like an omelet day, so I made one that was overflowing with veggies and chicken bacon. For lunch I had a tomato and mozzarella salad. Throughout the afternoon I snacked on 2/3 a bag of popcorn, 2oz of mozzarella, 1 tablespoon of chocolate peanut butter, and some candied pecans. I had a super big salad for dinner with butter lettuce, mushrooms, grape tomatoes, and bell peppers (red, orange, and yellow). I had a popsicle in the evening and then was feeling hungry and all I wanted was a grilled cheese sandwich. I opted for some bell pepper slices instead (good thing I cut them all up while I was making dinner). And then I had a cup of tea in the evening to help with my sore throat.

I did Day 8 of my challenges -- 30 triceps dips and a rest day for abs. Boy do I love rest days, haha! But really, it's neat to see how my body grows stronger. Something I'm doing is starting to build definition in my arms, which is pretty cool. So I better keep it up. Because nobody likes having grandma arms at 25.

Here's a picture of my dinner. It wasn't special enough to write up a recipe for it, but it sure looked beautiful!

Recipe: Tomato and Mozzarella Salad

So easy, and so delicious. I combined 20 grape tomatoes, 2 oz of mozzarella torn in pieces, 1/2 teaspoon of olive oil, and some dried basil leaf. It would have been absolutely amazing with fresh mozzarella and basil, but as it was, it was still really good. I highly recommend this!

Recipe: Veggie-Chacon Omelet

I love when my fridge is stocked full of vegetables, because it means I have so many options when making omelets! This morning I filled my omelet with chicken bacon, sauteed onions, sauteed mushrooms, sliced grape tomatoes, and sliced jalapeno. The eggs could hardly contain all the goodness I put in there!

Day 22: 70's Party!

170's that is. This morning I weighed in at 178.4! I know I won't be seeing such dramatic results as I continue forward, but that was a great way to jump start my refocused commitment to get healthy. Most of that was water weight -- from eating poorly, and from PMS. Still though, I'm pretty sure I lost at least 2 lbs of actual weight.

With that great momentum, I was determined to make good choices today. I woke up and had a slice of multi-grain toast with Greek cream cheese, then went to my workout. Today was strength training and kick boxing. For lunch I made a giant salad with butter lettuce, sliced strawberries, chopped apple, raspberries, and a little bit of poppy seed dressing. It was so big, I actually got full -- really full -- and almost couldn't finish. And it only had 200 calories! Talk about a healthy choice! Just what I was craving after all the sweets and carbs this weekend. I had half a bag of popcorn and some mozzarella as snacks during the afternoon. For dinner I had a chicken burger, which was amazing (thanks to my hubby, who's so good at grilling up meat). And I had a popsicle in the evening.

I did day 7 of my challenges: 25 triceps dips, 40 sit ups, 20 crunches, 20 leg raises, and a 30-second plank. The numbers are climbing so quickly, and every day I want to wimp out, but hopefully I can stick with it all month.

Recipe: Chicken Burger

Hubby loves making hamburgers. And I love eating them. But it's really easy for the calories to add up. So I asked him to make me a lighter version. He used 1/2 lb of ground chicken to make two patties (seasoned with Montreal Chicken Seasoning, rosemary, and thyme), which he grilled on the George Foreman. Then he melted 1/2 oz of mozzarella on each patty. He served each patty open-faced on half a slice of sourdough toast with red leaf lettuce, sliced tomato, sliced jalapeno, and grilled mushrooms (I got baby portabellas at Costco, and they just taste so much better than the regular white mushrooms I normally get).  The total for both burgers was about 500 calories, which was amazing for how delicious and satisfying they were. Props to the mister for making a healthy dinner taste like a cheat meal!

Recipe: Apple Berry Salad

I was really craving fresh fruits and vegetables today, so I decided to make a delicious (and very large) salad for lunch. I used an entire head of butter lettuce (I told you it was big!), sliced up 5 strawberries, chopped up half an apple, and threw in 10 raspberries. Then I used 1 tablespoon of poppy seed dressing. It was light, but filling, and only had 200 calories!

Day 21: Being Good Around Fun

Well, I woke up in the middle of the night with aches and chills. Guess I couldn't run yesterday because I was coming down with something. I've also had a headache and a general feeling of being under the weather. I managed to do pretty well today.

I ate a total of 1.5 muffins throughout the day. I made slow cooker sweet pork for dinner. Instead of making a burrito, I made a salad with lots of green leaf lettuce. It did have some rice, but I tried to keep that to a moderate amount. It also had black beans and fresh pico de gallo that I made, as well as a cilantro ranch dressing and fresh lime juice. Sadly, the kids used up all my phone battery, so I couldn't take a picture. But trust me, it was both beautiful and delicious. Then we had cheesecake to celebrate hubby's birthday, and I limited myself to a single, modest slice.

We had a super fun weekend with friends, but the eating wasn't the best. I think I was good for the most part, which is pretty impressive considering how much unhealthy food is usually involved with such fun gatherings. But all I'm craving right now is fresh fruits and veggies. So guess what I'll be having tomorrow! And plenty of water to help rehydrate (since I know I didn't drink enough this weekend).

And then when we got home tonight, I did my 30-day challenge stuff.

Abs Challenge

35 sit ups

15 crunches

15 leg raises

25-second plank (I was shaking for the last 10 seconds, haha)

Triceps Challenge

25 triceps dips (I was only supposed to do 20, but I didn't check before hand, so I'll just do 25 again tomorrow, as scheduled)

Day 20: The Best Disappointment

Today is hubby's birthday! Which means good eating (and by good I mean delicious, not healthy). It's also General Conference weekend, which means cinnamon rolls and muffins and other delicious-but-not-healthy foods. It's also 3 weeks out from my half-marathon, which means I needed to get in a long run. The longest I've gone is 10 miles, and I was scheduled to run 11 today. So I woke up about 6:30 and had a slice of multigrain toast with some Greek yogurt cream cheese (best find ever). Then I headed out to the indoor track, because I am not a fan of the cold. My muscles felt so sluggish though. And even though I brought Gu packets and electrolyte water to keep my energy up, I just couldn't keep going. I felt really defeated when I finally gave up after four miles. Maybe it's because I haven't been eating as much meat lately. Maybe it's because I'm on the last day of my period. Maybe it's because I didn't eat enough before heading out. I'm not sure, but I just wasn't feeling it today. But then I realized something amazing: I was disappointed because I only jogged four miles. When just a couple months ago, I was celebrating four miles as a huge accomplishment. So that has got to be the best disappointment of my life. It means that I have improved my strength and endurance, and I'm sure overall health. So yeah, I didn't get in the full 11 miles today, but I'm not too worried about the race. It is all downhill (thank goodness) and I have gone 10 miles before. Plus there's all that extra energy and adrenaline that comes with the race atmosphere. And my goal is just to finish. I can worry about improving my time on my next race (wait, did I just say I'm already planning on running another one??), and I just need to be able to complete the 13.1 miles in four hours, which is definitely manageable for me.

Well, I managed to be really good today. I decided I would only have one cinnamon roll, so that's all I had. And I only had 1/4 of a Costco chocolate muffin. We had hot dogs for lunch, and I only had one. We went out for ice cream and I ordered a single scoop of frozen yogurt. Then we went to McDonalds for dinner (it was late and we were hungry and too lazy to cook) and I ordered my chicken sandwich without sauce to save on calories. So overall, I think I managed to do really well when faced with one deliciously unhealthy food after another all day long.

Oh! I also did day 5 of my October challenges (30 sit ups, 12 crunches, 12 leg raises, 20-second plank, and tricepts rest).

Day 19: Moderation, Not Deprivation

Today was a good day. I went to my workout class this morning. It was supposed to be Zumba, but the instructor's son was sick, so we ended up doing aerobics/kickboxing again. Turns out I was right about yoga being switched to Wednesdays. I'm not sure if I'm going to go to those. Anyway, I also did day 4 of my two October challenges (20 triceps dips, and a rest day for abs).

My eating wasn't great to start out with. I had half a granola bar before the workout -- we were running late, as usual, and I only had a couple in my bag so I split one with my daughter. At least I had my water bottle. I had a serving of saltine crackers when I got home, and then got caught up crafting until I had to go run errands. We went to Costco, and I got lots of fruits and veggies. I love Costco produce. It's always delicious. But my weakness is their gelato. Three scoops for $1.50? Count me in. Except this time, I decided to show some self-restraint. Some. I still got a gelato cone, but I gave one scoop to each of my daughters and then just had the one scoop of pistachio gelato that was left. I think I'm finally learning that being healthy isn't about deprivation, but moderation. We went over to our friends' house for dinner and had pretzel crusted chicken with honey mustard sauce. It was absolutely fabulous. But I only had one piece, and loaded up on green beans. There were cookies for dessert and I let myself have one, but that was it. I just got a big glass of water when I started craving another cookie. I snacked on some pineapple, raspberries, and grape tomatoes later in the evening.

I can do this! I don't have to cut out dessert, I just need to have it in moderation. I can still enjoy the sweet things in life, without going overboard.

Day 18: A New Emotional Vent

Slept in again. This time hubby got up with the kids and stuck around for a little while until I was finally up and going. I sure do love that man. He just always seems to know when I've had a rough day and need a few moments of peace.

I did my day 3 challenges (15 triceps dips, 25 sit ups, 10 crunches, 10 leg raises, and 15-second plank). I'm still sore from doing all those squats on the first day. And my abs are feeling all wibbly wobbly too. But at least I can actually do sit ups now (I mean, I still have to hold my feet down with the couch and I have to use a bit of momentum to get up). When I first tried to do a sit up about a year ago, my body could not physically do it. It just didn't respond when I tried to. I guess 3 c-sections can really do a number on your abdominal muscles. I know my stomach will never look the way it did before kids, but I hope that some day it can at least be sort of strong and toned. But I'll probably have to forever rely on Spanx to hide that cesarean pooch.

I had leftover rice from the dinner I made hubby last night (he just isn't a big enough fan of vegetables to eat that as his entire dinner), so I decided to have Filipino eggs and rice this morning. For lunch I had pan-roasted garbanzo beans, seasoned with garlic salt, ground red pepper, sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, and a bit of lemon juice. I hit that mid-day slump where the kids are driving me crazy, and I had a headache too, so I reached for a granola bar. I love them. I eat them like candy. And they're probably just as bad for you as candy. Anyway, baby girl wanted some, so I gave her half. Good thing too, because I would have eaten the whole thing. And you know what? It didn't even taste that good. It's so weird to experience my body changing, and not just what it physically looks like. I actually crave healthier foods and am not as satisfied by junk. That being said, I definitely still have a sweet tooth. I just think it means I'll be more selective when it comes to treating myself. Like a square of rich, dark chocolate instead of a granola bar. 

Speaking of selectiveness, I forgot to brag about how awesome I was on Tuesday. I had to go to a meeting and there were muffins at the end, and I wanted one (mostly out of habit, because I know I have always liked sweets). But I just took it home and gave it to hubby instead. Side note: it has been my goal since meeting him to weigh less than him. He was skinny when we met. We've both put on weight in the five years we've been married, and he picked up cycling last year, a little before I started running. Still, he doesn't eat the healthiest food, and one day I'll work on that with him, but for now I don't want him to lose weight faster than I do because I'm still about 10 pounds heavier than him.

Anyway, I was going somewhere when I was talking about how my body is changing. It's just weird to realize that I often do things out of habit, like eating junk food when I'm stressed out. Like today, I just reached for a granola bar, and it didn't even make me feel better. I didn't even enjoy eating it. All I could think was "For as many calories, I could have X, Y, or Z, and it wouldn't even be as bad for me as this." I've just been doing things for so long, that I assume that's what I still want to do. But my body is changing, and I have to get acquainted with it all over again. It's weird, but it's good. I mean, it's good to know that I'm getting healthy and my body really is changing.

Anyway, after my half of a granola bar, I decided that I really need to find a new emotional vent to replace eating. So I pulled out my flute (which hardly gets played these days) and just made myself play until I was feeling calm again. Maybe this is going to work out! 

Well, I had a bag of popcorn and half a popsicle as a snack. Then hubby told me he didn't need to stay late (he has been working until 11 every day for the past week and a half) so we decided to finally go out to Red Robin and celebrate his birthday. He ordered a Bleu Ribbon burger, I got the Oktoberfest burger, and we cut them in half and traded so we could each try both. Well, I ate half of each half, by which point he had already finished all of his burger and was lamenting the fact that they were gone. So I gave him the rest of mine because I always try to stop at 1/2 of my entree at a restaurant, and I knew if it was in front of me I would be tempted to eat it. He was more than willing to take them off my hands, which was good  for me! I did have fries too, which in retrospect I probably should have had fewer of, but at least I only drank water and managed to stay under 2,000 calories for the day!

Day 17: The Secret to My Success

Well, hubby and I slept in until about 8:30 this morning (thank goodness for tablets and phones to entertain the kids for a little while), so I didn't make it to the exercise class. To be honest though, I wasn't really looking forward to going since I'm pretty sure it was yoga today. I just need to feel energized when I'm exercising. Plus, the thought of stretching like that during my heavy day just didn't seem appealing at all (sorry if that's TMI, but I figure if I'm candid about things like my weight and my failures, I've earned the right to be honest about all aspects of my life). Anyway, I did complete day 2 of the triceps (10 triceps dips) and abs (20 sit ups, 8 crunches, 8 leg raises, 12-second plank) challenges. I've decided to just wait until next month to do the squats. The first week wouldn't be so much of an issue, but as the numbers start climbing, I would be spending so much time doing all these exercises by the end. So I'm just going to focus on abs and arms, which don't get much attention normally.

Well I made two sunny side-up eggs for breakfast (with just cooking spray on the pan) and had a tablespoon of ketchup with them. I had a clementine orange for a morning snack. I had a chicken and avocado wrap (with lettuce too) for lunch. I had a cup of hot cocoa in the afternoon, because I needed chocolate to cope with life. It was some fancy shmancy "Cacao Reserve by Hershey, Mayan Blend" packet that's been on our shelf for who knows how long. I had stir fry veggies for dinner (lots and lots), and some candied pecans as a late night treat.

I spent most of the day working on hat orders that I need to send out tomorrow, but I did make time to take the kids to the park and play for a while. It was also a very emotional day. October is a hard month for us. It has been four years since we lost our son to SIDS. Most days, I manage to function pretty normally, even though that pain is always kind of floating on the edge of my mind. But at times like this, it just all floods back into me and it's hard to keep it together. All I wanted to do was eat away my sorrow, but I stayed strong today. I owe it to my kids to be healthy, and that means I need to break the habit of eating just because I'm sad. I owe it to my daughters to be around for a long time, and I owe it to my son to make the most of my life. And there is the secret to any success I have: I don't do it for myself, I do it for my family.

Day 16: October's Going to Be Good

It's the first day of a new month, which means renewed energy and motivation. October is going to be my month!

I woke up early and had a fried egg with sauteed vegetables (mushroom, onion, and spinach). I actually only ate half of the vegetables because the spinach tasted really gross to me. Probably just where I'm at in my monthly cycle, but I just couldn't eat it, even though I usually love it. I fried the egg perfectly though, so that was nice. Then I did some strength training to go with all the cardio I'll be doing. I started three different 30-day challenges. I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but I'll try to keep up with them. If it gets to be too much, I'll postpone the squat challenge until next month.

Abs Challenge
15 situps
5 cruches
5 leg raises
10 second plank

Triceps Challenge
5 tricep dips

Squats Challenge
50 squats

For lunch I had a bean "meatball" sandwich and for dinner I had bean "meatballs" and gravy with mashed potatoes and green beans. I really liked the way those bean "meatballs" turned out, but they were definitely drier today than they were when I made them last night. I'd love to have a bunch on hand to throw into meals, but I don't know how to keep them from drying out. I'll have to experiment with that.

Recipe: Bean "Meatballs" and Gravy

This turned out so good. I'm a total meat-and-potatoes gal, but it's not the most conducive diet to getting healthy. This totally hit the spot though!

I used the last of my bean "meatballs" and made 1/3 cup of brown gravy using 1 tablespoon of dry brown gravy mix. I used instant mashed potatoes to make a single serving. Instead of using butter and milk, I just made them with water. But I added garlic salt, chives, and rosemary to the water while I was heating it up and it made for some deliciously fragrant and savory potatoes, so I didn't even really miss the dairy. I heated up some canned green beans (they really aren't as good as fresh, but they're much cheaper and you can have them all year around), which I seasoned with sea salt and fresh cracked pepper.

Oh, and you can make this whole dish from food storage items! See, food storage doesn't have to taste bland! Really, this dinner was delicious and it's definitely going to be made again!

Recipe: Bean "Meatball" Sandwich

Super easy, and super yum! Sourdough toast, leftover bean "meatballs," a tablespoon of pasta sauce, and a sprinkle of parmesan. Really, that's it!

Day 15: Starting Over

I was pretty sad when I weighed in at 186 this morning. That's exactly where I started on Day 1. So basically last week entirely undid my first week. What a bummer. I'm basically starting all over. But now that I'm focusing on healthier goals, hopefully I will be able to stay emotionally strong and see some lasting changes.

As hard as it was, I got up and went to the exercise class this morning. (I woke up at 2am and couldn't fall back asleep for 45 minutes, then my daughter woke up from a nightmare around 5:30 and didn't go back to sleep for a half hour or so.) And I just continued to make good choices throughout the day. For breakfast I had a play on an egg salad sandwich -- a slice of toast with 1 teaspoon of mayo, topped with a sliced hard-boiled egg. For lunch I had a wrap with chicken and avocado, and for my afternoon snack I had a bag of popcorn. For dinner I made squash spaghetti with bean "meatballs." It actually turned out really, really good. I finished up my night with an absolutely delicious and mostly healthy dessert of cinnamon honey apples and quick candied pecans. Really, most of the calories came from the apple and the pecans, so to me it doesn't count against my one sweet treat per week. I'm not 100% sure how to define what I mean by sweet treats, but I guess it would be things whose calories are mostly derived from non-nutritious sources (e.g. sugar, fat, flour).

Well, today was a success and it feels good to be back on track.

Recipe: Cinnamon Honey Apples and Quick Candied Pecans

Oh my goodness was this delicious! First I melted 1 tablespoon of butter over low heat. Then I added in 1/2 cup of pecans and 1 tablespoon of brown sugar and heated and stirred until it caramelized. Then I set it aside to cool. Next I took an apple and sliced it thinly, about 1/8th inch slices. I laid the slices out on a plate and drizzled 1/2 tablespoon of honey over the slices and sprinkled them with cinnamon. Then I microwaved the apple slices for one minute so that they were soft and tender. I made a pretty stack of the slices, then topped with 1/8 cup of candied pecans (1/4th of what I made). It tasted like autumn and holidays. It had 250 calories, but 185 of that came from apples and pecans, which by themselves would just be a healthy snack. So really only 65 of those calories should count as dessert, which is a pretty good deal if you ask me, especially considering how filling and satisfying it was!

Recipe: Squash Spaghetti and Bean "Meatballs"

Now, I'm not allergic to anything, and I'm not morally opposed to meat. In fact, I love eating meat and have out-eaten my husband at an all-you-can-eat Brazilian churrascaria. Several times. But I find something strangely satisfying about making a gluten-free vegetarian version of a classic dish. Not to mention the fact that it had way fewer calories than the typical preparation. No, it doesn't taste exactly like spaghetti noodles and meatballs. Yes, you can tell it's healthier. But it's still a dang good dish, and I will definitely be making it again.

1. Prep your squash noodles. You want to "sweat" out the extra moisture, or you'll end up with something really soupy. Slice the squash and lay flat on a plate. Sprinkle with salt and let sit about ten minutes. Use a paper towel to soak up all the moisture. Now cut the slices into long, thin strips. Then microwave the squash until it is tender (stirring every minute so it cooks evenly). Once again remove excess moisture from squash.

2. Make your bean "meatballs." (Recipe here) (I really don't know what to call these, because "beanballs" sounds kind of dumb.)

3. Assemble your dish. Put your "noodles" in a bowl. Top with 1/2 cup of pasta sauce and some "meatballs," then sprinkle with parmesan cheese.

While the beans definitely did not have the texture of meatballs (they were much, much softer -- not surprisingly), they had a delicious flavor. The crushed red pepper and fennel seed were a really good addition to the spice mixture, and made it reminiscent of Italian sausage.

Recipe: Chicken Avocado Wrap

Another lunch, another wrap! Pretty simple, but I love taking pictures of all the healthy food I'm eating. So I had a flatbread wrap, chicken breast lunch meat, sliced olives, red leaf lettuce, and avocado, all topped with some sea salt and fresh cracked pepper. I love avocado. And this wrap didn't need any extra condiments because the avocado was so rich and creamy. I only wish I had had something red to put in there, then this would have looked even more amazing. But as it was, it was super delicious.

Recipe: Spicy Bean "Meatballs"

I used a food processor to mash up one rinsed and drained can of black beans with oregano, thyme, garlic salt, dried minced onion, sea salt, fresh pepper, crushed red pepper, and fennel seeds. I pulsed until everything was combined well, but it still had some bean intact to give it more texture. Form the mixture into balls (about the size of a ping pong ball) -- I got 9 out of this. Heat a tablespoon of olive oil in a skillet. Cook bean meatballs, browning on all sides.

The texture is definitely a lot softer than a traditional meatball, but you can still pack some great flavor in these and (BONUS!) it was made entirely from things that you can have in your food storage!

Squash Spaghetti and Bean Meatballs

"Meatball" Sandwich

"Meatballs" and Gravy

Day 14: Refocused Goals

So at the end of this emotional week, I have decided that I need to adjust my goals. I have been too focused on weight and clothing size, when those are really just side effects of my true goal to be healthier. While I will continue to weigh myself as a method of measuring my progress, I will not be so concerned with the number on the scale (well, I'm going to try at least). So what are my newly focused goals?

1. Exercise at least 3 times a week.
2. Eat vegetables every day.
3. Run a 5k in 30 minutes or less.
4. Only one sweet treat per week until Thanksgiving.

First of all, I want to truly become an active, healthy person. So I need to adopt a lifestyle in which I exercise on a regular and consistent basis. So I have a weekly goal of exercising at least three times (if I can get six, then I'll give myself a gold star, but as long as I do at least three consistently, I will be making a good change). Second, I need to eat better. Another lifestyle goal I have is to eat vegetables every day. I was definitely one of those kids that took advantage of my adulthood by deciding that I didn't need to eat vegetables if I didn't want to. Which means we didn't eat them very much the first couple years we were married. Now that I'm trying to be more mindful of my health, my goal is to include vegetables in at least one, but hopefully two meals every day.

My third goal is a milestone goal, something I can work toward and measure and definitively achieve. Running the 5k yesterday was a "short run" for me. I wasn't tired at all when I was done. Which means there is definitely room for me to push myself and improve. My best time ever was about 33 minutes. So I've set a goal for myself to run it in 30 minutes or less. I will be using the C25K (couch to  5k) program that I used to get running in the first place. But instead of jogging and walking, I will be running and jogging (or at least trying to). I want to sign up for a 5k on Thanksgiving day. My very first race was on December 1, 2012 -- so this race will be almost exactly one year later. I already can't believe the progress I have made since then, but improving my 5k time would really be neat.

My fourth goal is a short-term goal, in that I've set an end date for it. From now until Thanksgiving, I will only have one sweet treat per week. I know that sugar is my weakness, which makes things hard when baking is one of my favorite things to do. But as I've said before, I'm trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle I can maintain, so I don't want to entirely deprive myself. What I'm hoping this will do is train me to satisfy my sweet tooth with a piece of fruit, instead of a cookie or ice cream or candy bar. But once a week I can enjoy a single serving of dessert as a special treat. As I get closer to Thanksgiving, I'll think about what I'm going to do around the holidays.

I hope that with my refocused goals I will be more concerned with health than the number on the scale. Which means (I hope) I will make only good decisions, and not fall back on bad habits I am trying to break for good. I know I'm going to be disappointed at my weigh-in tomorrow, since I ate so terribly this week (read: 2000-2500 calories each day). I can't get this week back, but I can make tomorrow a good day. And day by day, make this next week a good one. And week by week, make this next month a great one!

Day 13: Race #4

This morning I ran my 4th race ever! It was another Color Me Rad 5k (I did my first one this summer, and it was my third race ever). I convinced one of hubby's cousins to run it with me, and it was her first race. I'm so glad I can encourage and inspire other people to get fit with me! We completed the race in 38 minutes, which I think was a new best for her. We had fun because the race has such an energetic atmosphere.

I really didn't keep track of what I ate today (again). Maybe I just need to be so active that I don't have to worry about how many calories I eat. But I should probably get back in the habit of keeping track. Oh, by the way, 4 weeks until my half-marathon!!

Before -- our clothes are still white

During -- nice action shot

After -- all colored up now

And for kicks and giggles, here's a picture from the first time I ran in a Color Me Rad race (June 22, 2013):

Really not a flattering picture of me...

Day 12: A Busy Day

Today was BUSY! I felt like I didn't get to stop moving all day. Workout, my daughter's pre-k computer class, shower and lunch, picking up my race packet, getting new running shorts because my old ones tore, grocery shopping, cleaning, helping at a youth activity where they decorated cupcakes. I didn't eat the best. I'm not sure how many calories I had, but most of it came from sugary foods. Oops.... But at least I started my day with a Zumba class! I haven't been as diligent about counting my calories this week, but I really should get back to it because I know it helps me make good food decisions. Well, tomorrow is going to be a better day. And I'll be running my 4th race ever -- another Color Me Rad 5k!

Day 11: A Much Better Day

Today was much, much better. I had Greek yogurt for breakfast, stir fry for lunch, light popcorn for an afternoon snack, more stir fry for dinner, chocolate peanut butter banana "sandwiches" for dessert, an ounce of mozzarella cheese as a post-dinner snack, and iced chocolate soy milk as a late-night treat. I even took the girls on a 30 minute walk in the double stroller (1.5 miles). I'll admit, I still feel like eating, but it always takes my body a couple days to readjust after I go on an eating rampage. Good thing I have crafts to work on tonight, so my hands will be too busy to put food in my mouth!

Recipe: Iced Chocolate Soy Milk

I love icy drinks. Summertime, wintertime, anytime. I also love chocolate. This was super easy, totally yummy, and guilt free! I used my smoothie blender (each cup is about 12oz and the blade screws like a lid onto the top) to combine 1 cup of light vanilla soy milk, 1 tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa powder, 1 packet of 0-calorie sweetener, and a lot of ice. What I got was a tall glass of icy chocolate goodness for under 100 calories. Definite winner!

Recipe: Chocolate Peanut Butter Bananas

Ever have something absolutely delicious that doesn't photograph as well as you wished it would. That was totally this treat. I sliced up a banana and made tiny sandwiches using the bananas as the "bread" and putting a dab of that Skippy chocolate peanut butter I got. I used a small banana and 1 tablespoon of the peanut butter. The picture looks a little... slimy because I had to keep my kids from destroying the house before I could take a picture. When I first put it together, it looked really nice though. And even after it looked like this, every single bite was delicious. I bet this would be so good frozen. Just imagine it with me. Oh yes, I think I'm going to have to try that soon.

Recipe: Stir Fry

Well, I wanted to see if I could make my own stir fry, so I don't have to buy the prepackaged stuff. I'd say I was pretty successful. I threw 2 cups of broccoli florets, 2 cups of chopped carrots, 2 cups of sliced mushroom, 1/3 a green bell pepper all chopped up, and 1 drained can of yellow corn into a big pot. I added 1 tablespoon of olive oil and 1 tablespoon of water. I cooked it on medium-high for about 5 minutes, covered, but stirring every minute or so. Then I added 2 tablespoons of teriyaki sauce and 1 tablespoon of soy sauce. Cooked it for about 3 minutes then took it off the heat. It was good, though my sauce wasn't quite as tasty as the one from the package. And I'm not sure it was less expensive enough to be worth all the effort. Especially since my favorite part of stir fry is the water chestnut, which I don't even know where to buy, or how much more that would make it cost. Also, I'd probably nix the corn next time. My little girl loved picking out the corn and carrots, but for me it was hard to eat and was the highest calorie item I put in. Cauliflower, snap peas, and red bell peppers would have made this really nice. And maybe the baby corn. Where do you even get baby corn? I'll try to do it a little different next time, because I'm definitely not ready to give up!

Day 10: New Healthy Goals

I had no idea this journey would be so emotional. Last night was hard. I used my post to tell my husband what I've been wanting to tell him for months. I feel so blessed to have the most compassionate, understanding, supportive man by my side. Last night was definitely a low point, but I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone.

Today was a strange day. I went to the workout class, but it was yoga, and I just don't like yoga, so I decided to cut out early after changing a messy diaper. I won't even count what I did as a workout. I came home, and I tried to eat well, but I'm still so emotional from last night, and the kids were driving me absolutely crazy (I really do love them, but sometimes I just wish I could have a break). I didn't keep track of what I was eating, but I know for a fact I ate more than I should have. But you know what? That's okay. I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to lose 2 pounds a week, as much as I wish I could. I don't need to change overnight.

Sometimes I forget, it's not about being skinny. It's not about looking better at 25 than I did when I was 20. It's not even about the number on the scale or what size my clothes are. It's about learning to eat healthy, to be healthy. It's about adopting a new lifestyle that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I don't intend to never have another slice of birthday cake. I don't intend to feel deprived forever. I want a lifestyle where I exercise regularly and eat healthily on most days but can still celebrate and enjoy life on appropriate occasions. I want to inspire my daughters, not lead them down the road to insecurity. I want to have energy to keep up with them. That's what is important, and what I need to remember.

Today I began to heal emotionally. I began to let go of unrealistic expectations and unhealthy ways of thinking. Today I let go of the number goals. Yes, weight and clothing is a good way to measure my progress, but it will no longer drive my journey. My goal is to achieve a lifestyle where I exercise 3 times a week and eat vegetables every day and find a new method to cope with my emotions. My goal is to learn to accept and love myself, and see the beauty in myself every step of the way. I'm a big believer in faking it until you make it. As I make decisions to act as if this already were my lifestyle, I will one day realize that is has actually become my lifestyle.

Thank you all for your love and support. It will help carry me through the hard times and it reminds me that I am already so very loved.

Day 9: Dirty Little Secret

Tonight I did something terrible. It's something I'm so ashamed of. It's something I've struggled with off and on since I was a teenager. It's something I've only told a couple people about. Until now. Tonight, I threw up after dinner. After eating half a pizza. I couldn't stand the thought of all those calories inside of me, undoing all the hard work I've accomplished lately. I knew in my mind that it was a terrible thing to do, but I didn't care. The part that kills me is that I was so good the rest of the day. I ate a good breakfast, a good lunch, good snacks, and drank plenty of water. Then hubby came home because I needed to go to the store to get something to complete an Etsy order. He has been putting in a lot of hours lately. In fact, he told me today, that he will have to put in a lot of hours over the next two weeks (staying until 11pm kind of hours). Well, we went to the store and he got a pizza for us to bake for dinner. I got lots of fruits and vegetables and was feeling really good. I told myself I could be good about the pizza. But I mindlessly overate. Then when I counted the calories and realized how much I had eaten, I felt terrible. Then hubby had to head back to campus to try and get 4 more hours of work done. The kids were fighting. The kids weren't listening. I couldn't handle it. I put them to bed a bit early and ate the rest of the pizza. I felt so sick and disappointed with myself. And some terrible little voice inside me told me to just get rid of the extra calories. So I did. And now I feel awful. I don't want people to think less of me. I don't want people to tell me how bad it is; trust me, I already know. I'm not even sure if I want people to acknowledge that they read my confession and know my dirty little secret. But I needed to write it down. I needed to share it. For myself. So that I could finally admit that I have a problem, and that it needs to stop. For good. It was incredibly hard for me to write this, and I can only hope that people are kind and do not judge me for my struggle.

Recipe: Open Faced Breakfast Sandwich

This morning I decided to see how my chicken bacon would do being cooked in strips. I was really pleased that it picked up some caramelization and golden color, but it wasn't as crispy as I'd hoped it would be. Maybe I took it off the heat prematurely. It tasted pretty good, it just wasn't the texture I was hoping for (especially for my sandwich).

Speaking of the sandwich, it was pretty simple to put together. I made the chicken bacon and cooked 3 egg whites (which were seasoned with rosemary, thyme, sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, and a pinch of ground red pepper). Then I toasted a slice of sourdough and topped it with the chicken bacon and eggs.

I decided to do it open faced because I find it easier to eat, plus I feel like I'm getting more. I think next time I will add just a little mayo to the toast so it isn't quite so dry (or avocado, if I have one on hand). And I'll try to get the chicken bacon crispier. The way I cooked it, it was a bit hard to bite through it with everything else, and sometimes it came out of the sandwich instead of breaking off.

Day 8: A Great Start to Week 2 (weigh-in)

Well, I wasn't as good as I intended to be last night. We stayed up playing games until 1am (and boy did I feel it this morning) and I ate about 7 cinnamon rolls and homemade doughnuts (total, not each!) So, I actually hit about 2100 calories yesterday. Mostly from junk. I guess it's pretty obvious what my food kryptonite is... sweets.

But at least I wasn't disappointed when I weighed myself this morning. My official week 2 weight is 182.4! That means I'm down 3.6 lbs, even with all those diet fumbles. I know part of that (if not most of that) is water weight, but it's still a great start in the right direction. Here's to hoping I can be better this week and continue to lose weight!

Well, even though I stayed up way too late last night, I was determined to get up and moving this morning. So I had some Greek yogurt, then made it to the workout, which was about 20 minutes of kickboxing and 30 minutes of aerobics. I really like kickboxing. It makes me feel so tired, but it's also so energizing. I've been looking into joining a gym when the weather gets a bit colder, and I'm hoping to find one with kickboxing and zumba classes. Anyway, I had 8oz of water with breakfast, and 8oz of water while working out (I probably should have had more). For lunch I had a CLT sandwich (a BLT with chicken instead of bacon) and 16oz of water. Throughout the afternoon I snacked on some more knock off goldfish crackers (one carefully measured out serving) and a bag of popcorn. I had another 16oz of water too. I hit a rough patch when my three-year-old was driving me absolutely nuts (I'm trying to potty train her and some days are better than others), and I just needed something sweet to cope with it all. I ended up having half a bibingka (at least I cut it in half and didn't eat the other part!) and 16oz of water. I ended up making a vegetarian dinner (since hubby had to stay late on campus anyway), which I had with 16oz of water. That brought my daily total to about 1450 calories.

Exercise: check! Calorie limit: check! Water intake: check!

Hurray for starting off the week with a happy weigh-in and a successful day!

Recipe: Canned Garden Trio

I'm running low on vegetables, but wanted to have them for dinner, so I decided to see if I could use some of the hundreds of canned foods we have in our pantry. I pulled out green beans, sweet yellow corn, and black eyed peas -- all things you could potentially grow in a garden if you had a green thumb. Which I don't. So I have to settle with a canned garden instead. Anyway, I don't usually experiment with seasonings (I'm more of a follow-the-recipe-baker kinda gal), but I decided to give it a go. I guess this is technically three mini recipes that I prepared for the same dish.

Savory Green Beans
I seasoned the green beans with rosemary, garlic salt, and dried chopped onion. I wish I hadn't cooked them for quite so long, since they lost their natural, vibrant color (which would have made this dish look really pretty).

Sweet and Sour Corn
I seasoned the sweet corn with lemon pepper.

Spicy Black Eyed Peas
I seasoned the black eyed peas with cumin, garlic salt, garlic powder, paprika, ground red pepper, thyme, sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, ground white pepper, and a dash of tabasco sauce. I served it with a dollop of sour cream.

I was actually really pleased with the result. They were each really delicious and balanced each other out very nicely. The plates I used in the picture were entirely impractical, but so much prettier than the compartmentalized plastic plate I ended up eating off of. I ended up having 1 cup of each which made the meal about 400 calories (not including sour cream, but I didn't add too much of it).

Recipe: C(hicken)L(ettuce)T(omato) Sandwich

I've already hinted a little bit at how much I love bacon, so it shouldn't be a surprise that BLT's are probably my favorite sandwich in the world. But sadly, bacon has been demoted to "dietary acquaintance" and won't be making many appearances over the next year. So I had to settle for a CLT sandwich using that same chicken lunch meat I've been eating lately (I got a really big package of it).

Anyway, I toasted a slice of sourdough and cut it in half. Then I spread 1tsp of mayo on each half. A slice of chicken, two leaves of green leaf lettuce, three tomato slices, and another slice of chicken. This three-inch tall beauty was actually really satisfying, even without the bacon. Maybe next time I'll crisp up the chicken and make chicken bacon, just to add a bit more texture to sandwich and richness to the flavor. All in all, this is a 300-calorie lunch I highly recommend!

Day 7: For the Love of Veggies!

Today has been a pretty good day. I think I appreciate Sundays now more that I am trying to be healthy, because I do get a day of rest from exercise and feeling pressured to exercise. It's nice to just relax and enjoy the day, going to church and spending time with family and friends.

Breakfast was Greek yogurt, and lunch was an open faced sandwich made with Jiffy Natural Peanut Butter with Dark Chocolate. I got it for the girls since they can be pretty picky, but neither of them wanted the sandwich today. So good thing I only used half a tablespoon, since I ended up eating it. I'm glad I found it -- it has a lot less sugar than Nutella, only 10 calories more per 2 Tbsp (than regular peanut butter), and tastes like Reese's in a jar. I snacked on some goldfish crackers since they were sitting out. We couldn't decide what to have for dinner, and nothing sounded good (mostly because hubby kept suggesting carb-heavy things and I told him that while they sounded good, I wanted to get the most for the calories). So I ended up making some of the stir fry veggies I got. Remember how I've been craving those? Well, it comes with two sauce packets, so you're supposed to make half the veggies and use one of the packets. I did, and thought there was a lot of sauce. And then when I looked at the calories, half the bag (with the sauce) is about 400 calories. That's perfect for dinner, but I knew there was plenty of sauce for me to add in some extra veggies. So I added in a cup of mushrooms. I tried to find other stir fry-ish veggies, but we didn't really have any. I was kind of bummed, because I know there was still plenty of sauce for more. And it was just as delicious as I thought it would be when I was craving it. And I wished there was more of it! Next time I'll definitely just buy the veggies raw and cook them with my own sauce (that way I can use a smaller amount and make it with fewer calories). I never thought I'd see the day where I actually love eating vegetables! Being healthy feels so great.

I'm only around 800 calories so far, but we're going to have games and dessert with friends tonight, so I'm leaving lots of wiggle room. I'm going to try to show restraint. I weighed myself this morning, and was very happy with the number I saw. So I don't want to go crazy tonight and be sad when I do my official weigh-in tomorrow. So here's to self-control, change, and the love of veggies!

Day 6: The Big 1-0!

Guess who accidentally ran 10 miles today. This girl! I know what you're thinking. How do you "accidentally" run 10 miles? Well, I was supposed to run 9 miles so I can stay on track with my half-marathon training. But I ran at the track and wasn't in the inside lane. So after I did all the math, I realized I had actually gone 10 miles. Almost exactly. It took me about 2 hours and 7 minutes, which isn't the fastest, but gosh -- I ran 10 miles! Okay, I jogged 10 miles. And I took some walking breaks in between. Over the course of my run, I had three Gu energy gel packets, and 16oz of Nuun electrolyte water (and another 16oz of plain water as I was walking to Jeffrey's office afterwards). I really can't believe I ran that far! I'll definitely be able to finish the half-marathon. I just wish I could pick up my speed. But hey, I'll be able to work on that once I'm done training to run 13.1 miles!

Well, before I went running, I had a breakfast of buttered sourdough toast and some Greek yogurt. For lunch (after my run) I told Jeffrey I was really craving a burger. So we went out -- but I was good! I got a turkey burger, and had it wrapped in lettuce instead of put on a bun. I did have some fries, but I tried to keep that under control. And of course, I gave in and got a Coke Zero. One of these days I should probably break that habit, but I enjoy drinking something other than water without having to count the calories for it. Well, this evening, hubby's cousin had her wedding reception, so we went to that. I only drank water and ate fruit, but I did have cheesecake and a small slice of wedding cake. My calorie intake today was 2100, but I burned 1300. So my net was only 700. Normally, I would have tried to eat back more of what I burned. But I figure that the calories I ate yesterday balance it out, and between the two days, I'm right on track.

Well, I exercised today -- a lot! And I definitely stayed within my calorie limits. And I know I drank at least 8 glasses of water (not counting what I drank during my workout). I would say today was a HUGE success! I'm feeling so proud of myself for all the progress I made. And here's a cute conversation I had with hubby tonight:

Me: Why does everyone think I'm a runner?
DH: You are training for a half-marathon.
Me: But I don't actually like running.
DH: Like it or not, you've accidentally become a runner.
Me: Like how I accidentally ran 10 miles today?
DH: You know that makes you sound like a runner, right?

Oh, and I'm getting ready to run a 5k with my cousin next Saturday, and when she told me she was nervous, I assured her it would be fun. Fun. I mean, I called running "fun." Who am I? I just spent so much of my life not making health a priority, that it's taking me a long time to get used to the "new" me. I like the new me though. I'm proud of the new me. And I'm becoming the kind of person that my kids can be proud of too. And that means the world to me.