Day 10: New Healthy Goals

I had no idea this journey would be so emotional. Last night was hard. I used my post to tell my husband what I've been wanting to tell him for months. I feel so blessed to have the most compassionate, understanding, supportive man by my side. Last night was definitely a low point, but I'm glad I didn't have to go through it alone.

Today was a strange day. I went to the workout class, but it was yoga, and I just don't like yoga, so I decided to cut out early after changing a messy diaper. I won't even count what I did as a workout. I came home, and I tried to eat well, but I'm still so emotional from last night, and the kids were driving me absolutely crazy (I really do love them, but sometimes I just wish I could have a break). I didn't keep track of what I was eating, but I know for a fact I ate more than I should have. But you know what? That's okay. I don't need to be perfect. I don't need to lose 2 pounds a week, as much as I wish I could. I don't need to change overnight.

Sometimes I forget, it's not about being skinny. It's not about looking better at 25 than I did when I was 20. It's not even about the number on the scale or what size my clothes are. It's about learning to eat healthy, to be healthy. It's about adopting a new lifestyle that I can maintain for the rest of my life. I don't intend to never have another slice of birthday cake. I don't intend to feel deprived forever. I want a lifestyle where I exercise regularly and eat healthily on most days but can still celebrate and enjoy life on appropriate occasions. I want to inspire my daughters, not lead them down the road to insecurity. I want to have energy to keep up with them. That's what is important, and what I need to remember.

Today I began to heal emotionally. I began to let go of unrealistic expectations and unhealthy ways of thinking. Today I let go of the number goals. Yes, weight and clothing is a good way to measure my progress, but it will no longer drive my journey. My goal is to achieve a lifestyle where I exercise 3 times a week and eat vegetables every day and find a new method to cope with my emotions. My goal is to learn to accept and love myself, and see the beauty in myself every step of the way. I'm a big believer in faking it until you make it. As I make decisions to act as if this already were my lifestyle, I will one day realize that is has actually become my lifestyle.

Thank you all for your love and support. It will help carry me through the hard times and it reminds me that I am already so very loved.