Well, it was a little easier to get up this morning, even though I feel like I'm constantly running on empty. In addition to this concerted effort to be healthier, I am also trying to keep up with the messes my two daughters make, catch up on cleaning the house, and going through all the boxes in the shed to organize and consolidate (and get rid of all the excess). Oh, and I've got my Etsy business to keep up with. So I'm a busy, busy woman. It'll get easier, right? Well, it will once I'm caught up on cleaning, and only have to maintain the house. And once I get through the shed (though I suspect that will take a couple months even if I work on it every day). Anyway, despite getting up on time, I still felt tired and sluggish all day. I didn't exercise, and feeling sore from yesterday didn't help.
Well, I started out the day really well. I got up and made omelets for the girls and me. Mine had one egg and two egg whites, theirs had one egg and two yolks. Mine had half a slice of chicken breast lunch meat, two sliced mushrooms, a handful of spinach, and a small sliced garden tomato (thank you neighbors!). It was seasoned with rosemary, sea salt, and fresh cracked pepper. The girls' had the other half of the chicken and an ounce of cheddar. All that ooey, gooey, melty cheese looked so good -- but I chose to be strong and say no to cheese. Cheese is my weakness, but it's the only way I have a chance of convincing my kids to eat anything, so we're pretty well stocked up on it. Can I go a year without cheese? I doubt it. In fact, I think it's a great snack if you make sure to portion it out right. But maybe I don't need to put it in other foods (unless it's something like lasagna, you just can't have that without cheese). I can't swear off cheesy eggs for a year. But I could decide that for today, and I'm only thinking about the choices I have to make today, I could leave the cheese off and still enjoy my breakfast. In fact, it made it easier to taste the vegetables. And like I said, I'm starting to crave vegetables, which is new and strange, and a comforting sign that I'm on the right track.
For lunch I had a light yogurt, then a bag of light popcorn (one of these days I'll get an air popper). I added 1 tsp of olive oil, 1 tsp of cinnamon, and 1 tsp of sugar to the popcorn to make a slightly sweet treat. While I think it was pretty good choice to satisfy my sweet tooth, I think it was what led me downhill the rest of the day. Well, maybe. I had half a bibingka (a Filipino cake made with rice flour, coconut, butter, stuff like that) as an afternoon snack. I told myself I would call that my dessert for the day, and even managed to avoid the chocolate hiding in my cupboard.
But then I went shopping. I got all our groceries and things that we needed, and by the time I got to the lines, the kids were antsy and noisy. I finally got up to the cash register and as the cashier gave me my total, I couldn't find my credit card. I was flustered and frustrated as I asked her if she could put my transaction on hold. I was just hoping and praying it fell out in the car, otherwise I'd have to drive all the way home and grab my check book. Thankfully, it was in the car, but by this point I felt so tired and overwhelmed that I decided to grab food from the deli for dinner. I told myself I would be good. I measured out portions and was on track to have a 500-calorie dinner of chicken and end the day at 1200 calories. But then it was just sitting there, and I wasn't full, and we didn't have anything quick and healthy, so I ended up eating more. A lot more. I ended up having about 2100 calories today instead.
I feel really disappointed with myself. I was doing so well and it's only my second day. How embarrassing. I didn't exercise, and I went way over my calories. I did have about 10 cups of water, so at least I got one thing right. I'm feeling overwhelmed, and I know something has to give, but I think that my health deserves to be a top priority right now. I've always put it on the back burner, only giving it any attention if I had leftover time. To be honest, I want to give this whole thing up. I haven't shared this blog with anyone yet. It would be so easy to just go back to what I'm comfortable with. But something needs to change, and I need to take control of my own health. I'm embarrassed that I couldn't even go two straight days being good. But I'm proud of myself for not giving up. I won't. I'll keep trying, I'll keep fighting. I knew I wouldn't be perfect (although I was hoping my initial vigor would carry me a bit further). I can't change today. All I can do is focus on tomorrow, and strive to make good decisions.
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