Day 45: Feeling Down

I'm feeling down again. I do so well for a few days, then I'm terrible and gain everything back. My pants are starting to feel tight again, and I feel like I've wasted the last 45 days. I need another jumpstart. So starting today, I am not going to have any fast food or takeout or deli, or anything else that wasn't made at home. I'm also giving up all drinks with calories, except for 1 cup of milk per day (which I probably won't even drink since I rarely do). And starting in November (come on, I have to live a little bit) I'm not going to have any candy until Christmas. And I kind of want to do paleo or south beach, or something to help get me back to eating healthy food. All I know is, things aren't working and I need to change things up to help re-motivate me.

Day 43: Lucky Number 7 (weigh in)

Well, I'm starting out week 7. That's supposed to be a lucky number right? I really hope this turns out to be a good week. I was disappointed (but not surprised) when I weighed in at 182.2 this morning. I am pretty frustrated that in 7 weeks, I've only managed to lose 4 pounds. And by that, I mean I lost 4 pounds in the first week, and I now weigh as much as I did at the start of Week 2. I really need to be more committed to this. I do well for a week, then I do horribly the next week. And It's not even a downward trend, it's just yoyo-ing up and down and ending in the exact same spot.

So even though I was tired and sore and my shins and thighs were crying out for the warm embrace of my memory foam bed, I awkwardly pulled on my exercise gear and did my best not to waddle as I made my way to the aerobics class. I had to modify some of the moves, and I didn't dare try any floor exercises. I could just imagine trying to get up from doing crunches and looking like a turtle stuck on its back. So I may not have gotten in the best workout this morning, but I got up and I went. And I am working toward building a real habit of regular exercise. And I'm really considering getting a pass to the rec center so I can be motivated to stay active all winter long (if I pay for it, I will feel obligated to use it).

I started today off well. I had yogurt for breakfast and stuffed mushrooms for lunch. I got caught up doing lots of things around the house and forgot to log the rest of my food, but I think I managed to do okay.

Recipe: Mushrooms Stuffed With Spinach Cream Cheese

Okay, I found a real winner here (as long as you like mushrooms, as I do). I removed the stems from baby portabella mushrooms. Then I microwaved them for 1 minute. In the meantime, I got 3 tablespoons of Greek cream cheese and 1/4 cup of frozen spinach in a small bowl. I pulled out the mushrooms and microwaved the cream cheese and spinach for 20 seconds. I used a paper towel to absorb the moisture from the mushrooms. Then I added 1 teaspoon of grated parmesan and 1/2 teaspoon of granulated garlic to the cream cheese and stirred it all up. I scooped the cream cheese mixture into the mushroom caps, then sprinkled the tops with ground red pepper. (The mixture would have been perfect for 10 good sized mushrooms. I only had 9 left, and a few of them were pretty small, so I ended up really heaping the cream cheese on top. It was delicious, but it could have gone a bit further and been more filling with more mushrooms.)

Day 42: Last Cheat Day

Okay, I really need to get back to healthy eating. I had leftover animal-style fries from In-n-Out in the morning (breakfast of champions, huh?), then two giant helpings of chicken and white bean chili with brown rice for late lunch. I had another giant helping for dinner. It tasted so good, but now I feel overly full and rather ill. Oh, also had homemade ice cream for dessert and a few snacks throughout the day. I'll ease back into exercising this week (I'm still so sore and stiff from yesterday) and I will count my calories every day this week!

Day 41: I'm a Half-Marathoner!

I am exhausted, but had to post my big accomplishment! I finished my first half-marathon in 3 hours and 6 minutes (I'll get the official time in a few days). I had to walk more of it than I hoped, but I was sick the last three weeks and wasn't able to train, so I'm just happy I finished! I feel both incredibly proud and greatly humbled. I mean, I just ran a half-marathon!  But I got passed by a lot of people way older than me. At least I have a good chance of improving my time on my next one!

Pre-race: My costume was a vampire

Post-race: Once I stopped jogging, my legs stiffened up and I could hardly walk. But I finished!

Got home after our post-race lunch at Tucanos and collapsed on the bed with my race swag. Then I took a nap.

Day 40: Carbs

Today, all I was craving was carbs. It always happens when I'm PMSing. I had toast and noodles and cereal and french fries. I didn't even count it. But if I had, I would probably be crying over my daily calorie intake. I'm supposed to eat healthy and run so I can lose weight. Not eat so much that I have to run just to maintain my weight. Not yet at least. I still need to lose 50 pounds. *sigh* Well, I guess the least I can do now is get a full night's rest before tomorrow's race!

Day 39: Good-ish

I've been tired lately and cranking out hat orders around the clock. I started the day off really well with a veggie omelet. But then I stopped keeping track of what I was eating. I think I was good. Ish. I tried to make good choices, but a lot of times when I don't log food, I forget how much I've already eaten. I'm just kind of sad thinking that I probably won't weigh less on Monday, even though I'll be running 13 miles this Saturday. I really need to get back on track with calorie counting.

Day 38: Diet Fail

Well, today was definitely not the healthy diet day it was supposed to be. I took the girls to McDonald's and had a chocolate chip frappe. I really need to stop getting those. Then I ate their leftover chicken nuggets because I didn't want to just throw them away. I should have known they wouldn't eat very much. By that point I was already getting close to my calorie limit, and I just stopped counting. Oops. Today was a pretty big diet fail. I'll try not to let this one day get to me, but I'm worried that if I don't eat healthy food over the next few days I'll have a hard time during my race on Saturday!

Day 37: I'm a Social Eater

I try not to weigh myself every day, so I don't become too focused on the numbers. But I weighed myself today anyway. And I was just under 180! I guess I was really bloaty, water-weighty from eating so poorly last week. Anyway, it was a nice little confidence boost, and it's always easier to stay motivated when I'm seeing results.

I had a stir fry omelet for breakfast, yogurt for lunch, and baked beans as a snack (I ran a lot of errands today so I didn't have much time to eat). Then we had dinner with friends and had chili dogs. I tried to make smart choices, and chose not to use a hot dog bun and to pass on the fruit juice. But when I got home and added the calories (I had to estimate how much chili and sour cream and fritos I ate), I ended up way over. I'm really hoping I overestimated the amounts I ate. But I'm definitely a social eater, and I eat way more when we're with friends. I guess I just have to be extra good tomorrow -- another day heavy on fruits and vegetables.

Recipe: Stir Fry Omelet

This was ridiculously delicious! I cooked 1 cup of frozen stir fry veggies (from that giant Costco bag) with some soy sauce and ground ginger (I didn't measure, sorry). Then I beat my eggs with white pepper and garlic salt. Cooked up the eggs, added the veggies, and voila! a whole new take on eggs for breakfast. Changes I would make next time: more ginger in the veggies, and more garlic (but not salt) in the eggs.

Day 36: Starting Again (weigh in)

Today I weighed in at 182.4 lbs :(

I hate knowing I've been going in the wrong direction. I guess being sick isn't a good enough excuse to chow down on soup and juice like there's no tomorrow. I'm mostly frustrated that I seem to always gain weight when I don't count calories. Do I really have to count calories for the rest of my life? The idea overwhelms me.

Well, I decided that I should eat lots and lots of fruits and vegetables today, to try to flush all the junk out of my system. I still have a lot of orders to keep up with, so I won't be making anything terribly fancy. But I can still put in a bit more effort to make healthy choices. So for breakfast I had grape tomatoes and an apple. Kind of a weird breakfast, but they were quick and easy. For lunch I had grilled baby portabella mushrooms -- half were stuffed with a parmesan-garlic-sour cream, and the other half with Greek cream cheese and green salsa. Delicious! I also sliced up a red bell pepper and grilled that too. And of course, by grill, I mean George Foreman, because I can do that in my jammies. I had half a cup of baked beans for an afternoon snack because I have an open can in the fridge and need to eat it. And because I love baked beans. For dinner, I had broccoli with ham and cheddar. It was really good, but I was still a bit hungry, so when my daughter asked for eggs, I cooked the yolks for her and cooked the egg whites for me. I seasoned the eggs with sea salt, fresh pepper, and rosemary, and had a bit of salsa with it. I had some diet ginger ale, and then had a cup of candy cane cocoa in the evening.

Recipe: Ham and Cheese Broccoli

I really like broccoli. I love ham and cheese. So I put them all together for a delicious, low-carb dinner. I grilled the about a cup of broccoli and 2oz of ham (which I cut up afterwards) and then topped with 1oz of cheddar. Next time I will use more broccoli, because there was plenty of ham and cheese (never too much, but enough that I could make it more filling by having more broccoli).

Recipe: Stuffed Mushrooms

Hubby hates mushrooms, but I love them! So any time I'm only cooking for myself, it's a good opportunity to make something yummy that he just wouldn't appreciate. I even splurged when I was at Costco and got the baby portabella mushrooms instead of the normal white button cap ones. I removed the stems and grilled the tops. I made a cream filling using 1 tablespoon of sour cream, 1/2 tablespoon parmesan, and a sprinkle of garlic salt. I used that to fill half the mushrooms. The other mushrooms were stuffed with Greek cream cheese and a bit of green salsa. I cut up a red bell pepper and grilled that to go with the mushrooms too.

Here is my less healthy version from last week. I melted the mozzarella on the George Foreman, and then used it to stuff the mushrooms. It wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't stuffed them to overflowing (but that's what made them extra delicious). I will have to try this again, but only use a measured amount of cheese so I don't have to feel so guilty. I also put the grape tomatoes on the grill until they were warm.

Days 30-35: Can't Get Over This Cold

I don't remember the last time I had a cold last this long (and hubby has had it even worse than me). I didn't count calories and I didn't exercise all week. Honestly, I think it's okay to skip the exercising when I'm feeling so sick, but I'm afraid I gained weight because I ate a lot. I've also been making hats around the clock, which has made it harder for me to make healthy food. And by that, I mean I haven't really cooked all week. And everybody knows that quick food is not as good for you. I've had way more bread and cereal and ramen noodles and cheese than I should. Probably more than I should have in a month... I'm scared to weigh in tomorrow, but I can't take back this week. All I can do is recommit myself to getting healthy. Because that's what it's about. Not the number, not my pants size, but my health. And that is something worth fighting for!

Day 29: (weigh in)

Well, I was pleasantly surprised with my weigh-in this morning: 180.2! Considering all the food we had over the weekend, and the snacks we ate while traveling, I honestly expected it to be higher. And I'm hoping all of that is water weight and that by next week I'll have lost some actual weight. Although I don't know if I'm going to get any cardio in this week (which makes me real scared for my race in 12 days...)

But I woke up with a sore throat, a runny nose, a gross-sounding cough, and a stomach ache. So I think the worst thing I could do is try to push through it and not be able to fully recover in time for my race.

Days 25-28: Trip to Michigan

Well, we left about 11am on Thursday morning, took a couple airplanes and finally made it to Michigan about 10:30pm (8:30 our time), had some trouble getting our rental car, and finally got in to our hotel at 12:30. Friday morning we surprised hubby's grandpa for his 80th birthday. It was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. We spent all Friday and Saturday with hubby's family (his parents, siblings, grandpa, aunts, cousins). Sunday morning we headed back to the airport, took a couple more planes, landed at our home base, got to the house, realized we lost my daughter's backpack, drove back to the airport, got the backpack, drove back home, and put the kids in bed at 8pm.

It was a wonderful weekend, but we ate like dairy farmers (which is what grandpa was for a good part of his life). That means lots and lots of food. Let me put it you this way: as you are eating a gigantic meal, they are already talking about what's for the next meal. The first time I visited Michigan was the week before my wedding. When we got back, my dress didn't fit. The last time we visited Michigan, I couldn't wear my jeans back on the plane because they felt too uncomfortable. I tried to be good, but it was just really hard.

Also, I was sick the whole time. On Thursday, I had no voice. Well, not true. I had a very low voice, and every time I got excited or tried to sing, my voice just cut out. On Friday and Saturday, I had some voice back, but for the most part sounded pretty sick. I finally started coughing last night, and spent most of today rather miserable with a headache, sneezing, and coughing. I didn't keep up with my 30 day challenges, but I'll start back up tomorrow and it will just have to bleed a couple of days into November.

Oh, and I finished 4 1/2 of my 6 hat orders I had before leaving and got 4 more orders while we were gone. And I'm making 3 hats as gifts that need to get sent out, I need to finish a scarf and make cards for a service auction I'm attending on Thursday, and I need to work up a sample for a potential custom order. Don't get me wrong, I love being able to do this and get paid, but this is just the worst week I could get sick and I don't seem to have any signs of getting better. Well, I guess I'll call it an early night because I have a long week ahead of me.

Day 24: Feeling Sick

Well, today wasn't the greatest. I've been feeling really sick lately, and tired and stressed out. So I didn't keep track of what I ate. I know I ate too much, but I honestly have no idea by how much.

But at least I did day 9 of my challenges: 35 triceps dips, 45 sit ups, 30 crunches, 30 leg raises, and a 38-second plank. It is getting really hard. I mean, it's been hard the whole time, but now I really feel like I'm pushing my body's current limits, and it's hard to keep going. But I only have to worry about one day at a time, and I did my challenges today.

We're leaving for Michigan tomorrow, and I'm a little worried because every time we visit family there, they feed us too well, and I gain weight. So hopefully I can stay in control of my portions and try to calorie count everything.

Day 23: Bell Pepper Instead of Grilled Cheese

Today seemed like an omelet day, so I made one that was overflowing with veggies and chicken bacon. For lunch I had a tomato and mozzarella salad. Throughout the afternoon I snacked on 2/3 a bag of popcorn, 2oz of mozzarella, 1 tablespoon of chocolate peanut butter, and some candied pecans. I had a super big salad for dinner with butter lettuce, mushrooms, grape tomatoes, and bell peppers (red, orange, and yellow). I had a popsicle in the evening and then was feeling hungry and all I wanted was a grilled cheese sandwich. I opted for some bell pepper slices instead (good thing I cut them all up while I was making dinner). And then I had a cup of tea in the evening to help with my sore throat.

I did Day 8 of my challenges -- 30 triceps dips and a rest day for abs. Boy do I love rest days, haha! But really, it's neat to see how my body grows stronger. Something I'm doing is starting to build definition in my arms, which is pretty cool. So I better keep it up. Because nobody likes having grandma arms at 25.

Here's a picture of my dinner. It wasn't special enough to write up a recipe for it, but it sure looked beautiful!

Recipe: Tomato and Mozzarella Salad

So easy, and so delicious. I combined 20 grape tomatoes, 2 oz of mozzarella torn in pieces, 1/2 teaspoon of olive oil, and some dried basil leaf. It would have been absolutely amazing with fresh mozzarella and basil, but as it was, it was still really good. I highly recommend this!

Recipe: Veggie-Chacon Omelet

I love when my fridge is stocked full of vegetables, because it means I have so many options when making omelets! This morning I filled my omelet with chicken bacon, sauteed onions, sauteed mushrooms, sliced grape tomatoes, and sliced jalapeno. The eggs could hardly contain all the goodness I put in there!

Day 22: 70's Party!

170's that is. This morning I weighed in at 178.4! I know I won't be seeing such dramatic results as I continue forward, but that was a great way to jump start my refocused commitment to get healthy. Most of that was water weight -- from eating poorly, and from PMS. Still though, I'm pretty sure I lost at least 2 lbs of actual weight.

With that great momentum, I was determined to make good choices today. I woke up and had a slice of multi-grain toast with Greek cream cheese, then went to my workout. Today was strength training and kick boxing. For lunch I made a giant salad with butter lettuce, sliced strawberries, chopped apple, raspberries, and a little bit of poppy seed dressing. It was so big, I actually got full -- really full -- and almost couldn't finish. And it only had 200 calories! Talk about a healthy choice! Just what I was craving after all the sweets and carbs this weekend. I had half a bag of popcorn and some mozzarella as snacks during the afternoon. For dinner I had a chicken burger, which was amazing (thanks to my hubby, who's so good at grilling up meat). And I had a popsicle in the evening.

I did day 7 of my challenges: 25 triceps dips, 40 sit ups, 20 crunches, 20 leg raises, and a 30-second plank. The numbers are climbing so quickly, and every day I want to wimp out, but hopefully I can stick with it all month.

Recipe: Chicken Burger

Hubby loves making hamburgers. And I love eating them. But it's really easy for the calories to add up. So I asked him to make me a lighter version. He used 1/2 lb of ground chicken to make two patties (seasoned with Montreal Chicken Seasoning, rosemary, and thyme), which he grilled on the George Foreman. Then he melted 1/2 oz of mozzarella on each patty. He served each patty open-faced on half a slice of sourdough toast with red leaf lettuce, sliced tomato, sliced jalapeno, and grilled mushrooms (I got baby portabellas at Costco, and they just taste so much better than the regular white mushrooms I normally get).  The total for both burgers was about 500 calories, which was amazing for how delicious and satisfying they were. Props to the mister for making a healthy dinner taste like a cheat meal!

Recipe: Apple Berry Salad

I was really craving fresh fruits and vegetables today, so I decided to make a delicious (and very large) salad for lunch. I used an entire head of butter lettuce (I told you it was big!), sliced up 5 strawberries, chopped up half an apple, and threw in 10 raspberries. Then I used 1 tablespoon of poppy seed dressing. It was light, but filling, and only had 200 calories!

Day 21: Being Good Around Fun

Well, I woke up in the middle of the night with aches and chills. Guess I couldn't run yesterday because I was coming down with something. I've also had a headache and a general feeling of being under the weather. I managed to do pretty well today.

I ate a total of 1.5 muffins throughout the day. I made slow cooker sweet pork for dinner. Instead of making a burrito, I made a salad with lots of green leaf lettuce. It did have some rice, but I tried to keep that to a moderate amount. It also had black beans and fresh pico de gallo that I made, as well as a cilantro ranch dressing and fresh lime juice. Sadly, the kids used up all my phone battery, so I couldn't take a picture. But trust me, it was both beautiful and delicious. Then we had cheesecake to celebrate hubby's birthday, and I limited myself to a single, modest slice.

We had a super fun weekend with friends, but the eating wasn't the best. I think I was good for the most part, which is pretty impressive considering how much unhealthy food is usually involved with such fun gatherings. But all I'm craving right now is fresh fruits and veggies. So guess what I'll be having tomorrow! And plenty of water to help rehydrate (since I know I didn't drink enough this weekend).

And then when we got home tonight, I did my 30-day challenge stuff.

Abs Challenge

35 sit ups

15 crunches

15 leg raises

25-second plank (I was shaking for the last 10 seconds, haha)

Triceps Challenge

25 triceps dips (I was only supposed to do 20, but I didn't check before hand, so I'll just do 25 again tomorrow, as scheduled)

Day 20: The Best Disappointment

Today is hubby's birthday! Which means good eating (and by good I mean delicious, not healthy). It's also General Conference weekend, which means cinnamon rolls and muffins and other delicious-but-not-healthy foods. It's also 3 weeks out from my half-marathon, which means I needed to get in a long run. The longest I've gone is 10 miles, and I was scheduled to run 11 today. So I woke up about 6:30 and had a slice of multigrain toast with some Greek yogurt cream cheese (best find ever). Then I headed out to the indoor track, because I am not a fan of the cold. My muscles felt so sluggish though. And even though I brought Gu packets and electrolyte water to keep my energy up, I just couldn't keep going. I felt really defeated when I finally gave up after four miles. Maybe it's because I haven't been eating as much meat lately. Maybe it's because I'm on the last day of my period. Maybe it's because I didn't eat enough before heading out. I'm not sure, but I just wasn't feeling it today. But then I realized something amazing: I was disappointed because I only jogged four miles. When just a couple months ago, I was celebrating four miles as a huge accomplishment. So that has got to be the best disappointment of my life. It means that I have improved my strength and endurance, and I'm sure overall health. So yeah, I didn't get in the full 11 miles today, but I'm not too worried about the race. It is all downhill (thank goodness) and I have gone 10 miles before. Plus there's all that extra energy and adrenaline that comes with the race atmosphere. And my goal is just to finish. I can worry about improving my time on my next race (wait, did I just say I'm already planning on running another one??), and I just need to be able to complete the 13.1 miles in four hours, which is definitely manageable for me.

Well, I managed to be really good today. I decided I would only have one cinnamon roll, so that's all I had. And I only had 1/4 of a Costco chocolate muffin. We had hot dogs for lunch, and I only had one. We went out for ice cream and I ordered a single scoop of frozen yogurt. Then we went to McDonalds for dinner (it was late and we were hungry and too lazy to cook) and I ordered my chicken sandwich without sauce to save on calories. So overall, I think I managed to do really well when faced with one deliciously unhealthy food after another all day long.

Oh! I also did day 5 of my October challenges (30 sit ups, 12 crunches, 12 leg raises, 20-second plank, and tricepts rest).

Day 19: Moderation, Not Deprivation

Today was a good day. I went to my workout class this morning. It was supposed to be Zumba, but the instructor's son was sick, so we ended up doing aerobics/kickboxing again. Turns out I was right about yoga being switched to Wednesdays. I'm not sure if I'm going to go to those. Anyway, I also did day 4 of my two October challenges (20 triceps dips, and a rest day for abs).

My eating wasn't great to start out with. I had half a granola bar before the workout -- we were running late, as usual, and I only had a couple in my bag so I split one with my daughter. At least I had my water bottle. I had a serving of saltine crackers when I got home, and then got caught up crafting until I had to go run errands. We went to Costco, and I got lots of fruits and veggies. I love Costco produce. It's always delicious. But my weakness is their gelato. Three scoops for $1.50? Count me in. Except this time, I decided to show some self-restraint. Some. I still got a gelato cone, but I gave one scoop to each of my daughters and then just had the one scoop of pistachio gelato that was left. I think I'm finally learning that being healthy isn't about deprivation, but moderation. We went over to our friends' house for dinner and had pretzel crusted chicken with honey mustard sauce. It was absolutely fabulous. But I only had one piece, and loaded up on green beans. There were cookies for dessert and I let myself have one, but that was it. I just got a big glass of water when I started craving another cookie. I snacked on some pineapple, raspberries, and grape tomatoes later in the evening.

I can do this! I don't have to cut out dessert, I just need to have it in moderation. I can still enjoy the sweet things in life, without going overboard.

Day 18: A New Emotional Vent

Slept in again. This time hubby got up with the kids and stuck around for a little while until I was finally up and going. I sure do love that man. He just always seems to know when I've had a rough day and need a few moments of peace.

I did my day 3 challenges (15 triceps dips, 25 sit ups, 10 crunches, 10 leg raises, and 15-second plank). I'm still sore from doing all those squats on the first day. And my abs are feeling all wibbly wobbly too. But at least I can actually do sit ups now (I mean, I still have to hold my feet down with the couch and I have to use a bit of momentum to get up). When I first tried to do a sit up about a year ago, my body could not physically do it. It just didn't respond when I tried to. I guess 3 c-sections can really do a number on your abdominal muscles. I know my stomach will never look the way it did before kids, but I hope that some day it can at least be sort of strong and toned. But I'll probably have to forever rely on Spanx to hide that cesarean pooch.

I had leftover rice from the dinner I made hubby last night (he just isn't a big enough fan of vegetables to eat that as his entire dinner), so I decided to have Filipino eggs and rice this morning. For lunch I had pan-roasted garbanzo beans, seasoned with garlic salt, ground red pepper, sea salt, fresh cracked pepper, and a bit of lemon juice. I hit that mid-day slump where the kids are driving me crazy, and I had a headache too, so I reached for a granola bar. I love them. I eat them like candy. And they're probably just as bad for you as candy. Anyway, baby girl wanted some, so I gave her half. Good thing too, because I would have eaten the whole thing. And you know what? It didn't even taste that good. It's so weird to experience my body changing, and not just what it physically looks like. I actually crave healthier foods and am not as satisfied by junk. That being said, I definitely still have a sweet tooth. I just think it means I'll be more selective when it comes to treating myself. Like a square of rich, dark chocolate instead of a granola bar. 

Speaking of selectiveness, I forgot to brag about how awesome I was on Tuesday. I had to go to a meeting and there were muffins at the end, and I wanted one (mostly out of habit, because I know I have always liked sweets). But I just took it home and gave it to hubby instead. Side note: it has been my goal since meeting him to weigh less than him. He was skinny when we met. We've both put on weight in the five years we've been married, and he picked up cycling last year, a little before I started running. Still, he doesn't eat the healthiest food, and one day I'll work on that with him, but for now I don't want him to lose weight faster than I do because I'm still about 10 pounds heavier than him.

Anyway, I was going somewhere when I was talking about how my body is changing. It's just weird to realize that I often do things out of habit, like eating junk food when I'm stressed out. Like today, I just reached for a granola bar, and it didn't even make me feel better. I didn't even enjoy eating it. All I could think was "For as many calories, I could have X, Y, or Z, and it wouldn't even be as bad for me as this." I've just been doing things for so long, that I assume that's what I still want to do. But my body is changing, and I have to get acquainted with it all over again. It's weird, but it's good. I mean, it's good to know that I'm getting healthy and my body really is changing.

Anyway, after my half of a granola bar, I decided that I really need to find a new emotional vent to replace eating. So I pulled out my flute (which hardly gets played these days) and just made myself play until I was feeling calm again. Maybe this is going to work out! 

Well, I had a bag of popcorn and half a popsicle as a snack. Then hubby told me he didn't need to stay late (he has been working until 11 every day for the past week and a half) so we decided to finally go out to Red Robin and celebrate his birthday. He ordered a Bleu Ribbon burger, I got the Oktoberfest burger, and we cut them in half and traded so we could each try both. Well, I ate half of each half, by which point he had already finished all of his burger and was lamenting the fact that they were gone. So I gave him the rest of mine because I always try to stop at 1/2 of my entree at a restaurant, and I knew if it was in front of me I would be tempted to eat it. He was more than willing to take them off my hands, which was good  for me! I did have fries too, which in retrospect I probably should have had fewer of, but at least I only drank water and managed to stay under 2,000 calories for the day!

Day 17: The Secret to My Success

Well, hubby and I slept in until about 8:30 this morning (thank goodness for tablets and phones to entertain the kids for a little while), so I didn't make it to the exercise class. To be honest though, I wasn't really looking forward to going since I'm pretty sure it was yoga today. I just need to feel energized when I'm exercising. Plus, the thought of stretching like that during my heavy day just didn't seem appealing at all (sorry if that's TMI, but I figure if I'm candid about things like my weight and my failures, I've earned the right to be honest about all aspects of my life). Anyway, I did complete day 2 of the triceps (10 triceps dips) and abs (20 sit ups, 8 crunches, 8 leg raises, 12-second plank) challenges. I've decided to just wait until next month to do the squats. The first week wouldn't be so much of an issue, but as the numbers start climbing, I would be spending so much time doing all these exercises by the end. So I'm just going to focus on abs and arms, which don't get much attention normally.

Well I made two sunny side-up eggs for breakfast (with just cooking spray on the pan) and had a tablespoon of ketchup with them. I had a clementine orange for a morning snack. I had a chicken and avocado wrap (with lettuce too) for lunch. I had a cup of hot cocoa in the afternoon, because I needed chocolate to cope with life. It was some fancy shmancy "Cacao Reserve by Hershey, Mayan Blend" packet that's been on our shelf for who knows how long. I had stir fry veggies for dinner (lots and lots), and some candied pecans as a late night treat.

I spent most of the day working on hat orders that I need to send out tomorrow, but I did make time to take the kids to the park and play for a while. It was also a very emotional day. October is a hard month for us. It has been four years since we lost our son to SIDS. Most days, I manage to function pretty normally, even though that pain is always kind of floating on the edge of my mind. But at times like this, it just all floods back into me and it's hard to keep it together. All I wanted to do was eat away my sorrow, but I stayed strong today. I owe it to my kids to be healthy, and that means I need to break the habit of eating just because I'm sad. I owe it to my daughters to be around for a long time, and I owe it to my son to make the most of my life. And there is the secret to any success I have: I don't do it for myself, I do it for my family.

Day 16: October's Going to Be Good

It's the first day of a new month, which means renewed energy and motivation. October is going to be my month!

I woke up early and had a fried egg with sauteed vegetables (mushroom, onion, and spinach). I actually only ate half of the vegetables because the spinach tasted really gross to me. Probably just where I'm at in my monthly cycle, but I just couldn't eat it, even though I usually love it. I fried the egg perfectly though, so that was nice. Then I did some strength training to go with all the cardio I'll be doing. I started three different 30-day challenges. I may have bitten off more than I can chew, but I'll try to keep up with them. If it gets to be too much, I'll postpone the squat challenge until next month.

Abs Challenge
15 situps
5 cruches
5 leg raises
10 second plank

Triceps Challenge
5 tricep dips

Squats Challenge
50 squats

For lunch I had a bean "meatball" sandwich and for dinner I had bean "meatballs" and gravy with mashed potatoes and green beans. I really liked the way those bean "meatballs" turned out, but they were definitely drier today than they were when I made them last night. I'd love to have a bunch on hand to throw into meals, but I don't know how to keep them from drying out. I'll have to experiment with that.

Recipe: Bean "Meatballs" and Gravy

This turned out so good. I'm a total meat-and-potatoes gal, but it's not the most conducive diet to getting healthy. This totally hit the spot though!

I used the last of my bean "meatballs" and made 1/3 cup of brown gravy using 1 tablespoon of dry brown gravy mix. I used instant mashed potatoes to make a single serving. Instead of using butter and milk, I just made them with water. But I added garlic salt, chives, and rosemary to the water while I was heating it up and it made for some deliciously fragrant and savory potatoes, so I didn't even really miss the dairy. I heated up some canned green beans (they really aren't as good as fresh, but they're much cheaper and you can have them all year around), which I seasoned with sea salt and fresh cracked pepper.

Oh, and you can make this whole dish from food storage items! See, food storage doesn't have to taste bland! Really, this dinner was delicious and it's definitely going to be made again!

Recipe: Bean "Meatball" Sandwich

Super easy, and super yum! Sourdough toast, leftover bean "meatballs," a tablespoon of pasta sauce, and a sprinkle of parmesan. Really, that's it!